Excuse me sir, I think you dropped your blog

Due to a new blog reader I went back and started reading some of the older stuff, skimming March and April. And two thoughts have sprung to mind.

1) I feel kind of pathetic. Going back and reading all the little comments about devotion to Heather and loving her and everything. I don't feel that crap, and it sucks to go back and read it and want to call myself names and feel stupid. To feel embarassed for ever having wanted to marry her. And yet . . . I know its not up to me. I am not in control. If I get told to do, I do.

2) I feel like somebody else wrote it all. I go back and read it and . . . it seems well written. It seems intelligent and inciteful, it seems really spiritual and well devloped, it seems funny and dramatic and honest and gripping. And I feel like someone else wrote it. I don't write like that. I don't feel like that's what I've written at the end of a post.