Joel 2:28

"And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions."

-Joel 2:28

I had two dreams last night, and I've decided to relate them hear.

The first one actually happened second, but is less interesting. I've been waking up really early in the morning and using the restroom and praying for a little bit and then falling back asleep. I always, always use that time to pray for Heather. And those prayers are often for her heart to be turned back, and for reconciliation.

So this morning that routine goes one. And when I fall back asleep I have this dream:

Heather and I are finally sitting together. We are in a dark house, that is fairly old, with a crummy tv on. We are holding hands and smiling at each other, but you can feel that it is recent. We have only just gotten back together and are still working through things. Then I notice her parents are there watching the movie with us. Her mom says nothing but has a smile on her face. Her dad begins to sing a song. Somehow I know it is for me. I ask him to stop, saying that it is painful to hear. But he insists. I look at Heather and smile at her as tears fill my eyes.

I'm thinking this could have been my first subjective dream in 6 months, but I'm not sure. Given everything God has been saying through scripture lately . . . well, we'll see.

The other dream is far more interesting:

I am traveling on a road, and have been for sometime. There is a passenger with me, but I cannot tell who. Sometimes I think it is Heather, and sometimes I think it is Jesus, but I cannot tell.

Then suddenly I am stopped. I am standing with my brother, and with two of my brothers in Christ, both of whom I recognize. I ask why were are stopped and no one can answer. Then I hear a voice and look up. There is a man in a hard hat with an indeterminate face. He says they have removed a piece. I ask of what and he directs me to move a little. Then I notice there is a plexiglass wall that has been blocking the road. And they have removed 2 or three pieces just reaching a height over my head. My brother then comments on how there is more light now, and somehow the wall was blocking it. It is here that I take stock of my surroundings.

The road is the middle of a hill, with a very open valley to the left, extending backwards and forwards. At the bottom of the valley runs a river. It is seems inviting, but is obviously not safe. It is narrower than it looks from where I am and is obviously running very fast. On the far side and behind us there are mountains. Behind I can see where I have been in the road and there are hills but it is obviously very sunny. Where I am at now in the road is covered in shade. Running along the right side of the road is a row of trees, so incredibly thick you almost can't see through. But what you can see is so oppresively bright with sunlight that it is apparent this isn't the same light as elsewhere. I notice that the man removing the wall is also gutting branches from the trees. Ahead of where I am the road curves to the right, and if you squint through the trees you can see where it winds up the hill on the other side of the trees.

Running alonside the road to the left, the side of the valley is a series of nets. One of these nets is vertical and extends slightly higher than the trees on the right side of the road. Runnig under this net is another net, this one horizontal. It is now that I see my two brothers in Christ climbing the net. I tell them to be careful, but it is obvious they cannot hear me. Then they fall, both of them turn head first and crach into the net. As they hit the catch net, one of them spews white foam from his mouth onto the ground. Then the man with the wall looks at me and says its time. And then I wake up.

So there.

I've got some ideas but I'm still working through it.

More and more and more

So the last post was mostly about what happened, and it was getting long, so I wanted to do something more about where I am:

I am . . . good. God is still making promises that look way too big from where I stand. Promises that look too hard. But as I sit here I realize how much I have turned all this over to Him. Maybe I'm reading everything He's telling me wrong. But I don't think I care. I know He will take care of it either way. (I'm thinking of writing a post about these promises if anyone is interested, I can say that now that I know people are reading this.)

This morning I was incredibly restless. I felt like my insides were going to crawl out of my skin. Nothing could settle. Nothing sounded like it could satisfy. I grabbed my prayer journal and quickly jotted:

Restlessness . . . I feel like I recognize it. Are You trying to speak to me? What are You saying? Reveal Yourself.

I lied down prostrate on the floor and lost track of time trying to listen. Its so hard to push ourselves out. To clear our minds and really just try to hear God speak. Not through Scripture, as He so often does for me. But really just . . . the voice. The knowledge.

My head swirls, every thought is a possibility. I try to test everything, to double check everything. I realize I'm just trying to keep my head busy. Finally it starts to clear. I feel like I'm drifting. Everything starts to feel and sound far away. I listen.

"Be ready"

For what?

"What is coming. I have told you."

How do I prepare?

"Obey. Seek"

How long?

"One week"

So there it is. God lays it out and tells me the what. I'm still not sure I totally get it. I kept asking for more about what I was to do. And He just kept saying "be ready". Oh well, I have a week right? But I don't know what that means either. I guess we'll see.

Other important thoughts. I was talking to Katie Hackett tonight, who is most assuredly one of my favorite people on the planet. If you don't know her I'd be glad to put you in touch. So I share two things with her I've been ruminating over about this whole mess. Spiritual things.

One is a little personal. About two years ago Heather was blessed with the spiritual gift of speaking in tongues. She'd probably kill me if she knew I was saying this. She's very private about it and gave flesh and bone to an idea of spirituality I only agreed with in theory previously. So oddity of oddities Heather starts praying like this in front of me, and I can understand her. Not every time, not perfectly, but still . . . its . . . its nothing I can even begin to describe.

Second is when Heather and I started dating, something else crazy and Godly happened. I've never been much of a dreamer, normally I just pass an uninterrupted night. But then sometime this fall . . . I don't know how long exactly but now I only dream in prophecy. Everything I dream comes to pass. And I dream more often. For-instance: I had at least 3 separate dreams of this same type, starting in January with the last one in late February. In the dream I find myself in a strange place and I'm with Heather and things are good. We are on a trip of some kind, an adventure. Then the dream changes, and the trip takes on a negative tone, something bad comes up. Shortly after this, Heather leaves while I am talking to her. I can't understand why she is angry, and I can't find her, and I know if I do it won't do any good. It feels hopeless. Then in the dream I find myself in another strange place, with lots of people from my past. Girls I almost dated, people I haven't spoken to in years. And then I leave that place and the dream ends. You can imagine my surprise when these events came to pass.

That is what actually made me take notice of the newly developed nature of my dreams. There are other instances as well. An almost word for word encounter with an ex-girlfriend from high school. I had a dream where a particular person was angry at me and the next day I received a nasty and self righteous letter from them.

So when I tell Katie these things, she immediately responds, "Zach, give this woman your whole heart." Well needless to say I'm all for that. But I don't know exactly how to do that in my present situation. I don't know what it means from here or how I enact it. What's really important though, is what Katie recognized. Without knowing almost anything else about the situation, Katie hears of these things and recognizes God. Recognizes His blessings and His touch, and she encourages me, in the midst of being broken hearted, to devote myself wholly and complete to Heather. Okay, you've convinced me . . . now what?

Its still up and down. Sometimes it feels like every single minute is a struggle, but . . . .
I was talking to my friend Sarah, and I told her I believed God was not done with Heather and I, that there is more to our story. That what was promised is still planned, and Sarah says the most incredible thing. "Then why are you upset?"

I'm still working that out. For now . . . I know God is with me. But soon . . . He's going to have to do something soon. It's been so long.