Blooger.com

It turns out that I do not keep this on "blooger.com," which is kind of sad, because that would be great.


Haha, I started this post on Tuesday night . . . or Wednesday night . . . I don't know, it is now late Saturday and I'm coming back to it. With at least one more post I HAVE to write, though perhaps not tonight.

I was in such a loopy mood when I started this, I was going nuts, but now I've calmed down a little. Not much though.

So Tuesday night was great. Rachel was indisposed for good reason, Nick was stuck in Clarksville doing crap, and Bonnie was under the weather (literally, a little black rain cloud was following her.) I thought about not going to Kairos, but then I realized how stupid that was. Church is church. Worship is worship, whether you know anyone or not. "There are no strangers of God."

But it did make me aware of something, in combination with a question my mom asked me. We had not met anyone from Kairos. Now some of that is obviously the nature of the setup. (i.e. size and small group basis) it doesn't create organic relationship initiations. But some of it is the age group. Young adults, in general, don't reach out to the people right around them. No one turns and talks to the people around them they don't know. And its crap. Why do we do that?

By and large our generation is pretty bad at relationships, at inception and long term maintenance. We don't reach out. And then relationships that we do have, if they are not forcibly entwined are not pursued. Nearly everyone has problems with calling people, or even writing emails, with friends that they don't see on a regular basis. I've known that part of things for a long time, and I think I've figured part of it out. The possibility of communication is so open and available to our generation that we become apathetic. Because there is no real effort that physically has to be made (letter writing, land line calling) we do not make the emotional commitment it takes to use the "easy" methods (instant messengers, email).

Even immediate relationships are impeded by texting and data phones. Those advancements allow us to be everywhere, so that we may be truly nowhere.

Now I say we had not because I met these two dudes. Ben and Mark. They were sitting in front of me, but I honestly forgot their names (I'm usually so good with names). But then when I left I needed to get gas (I was lucky I made it down there) and they stopped at the gas station, so it was a pretty cool moment. Makes me wonder, ya know?

The service itself was great. There were no startling revelations or great calls, it was just a good, uplifting service. As good as it gets without ripping at your core. The worship was unreal. So passionate and heartfelt. It was wonderful. And my heart and head were so clear for it. very exciting.

Mike's message was good. I'm not sure I can identify a main point. I know I can't identify any great things that just spoke to me and cleared/stirred my heart. There were lots of great quotes, lots of great thisng that did give little stirrings, that I wondered if I was missing my grand point. It was great, just different.

I've been thinking lately how I've quit doing what I know this will one day have to really be. Actual spiritual reflections. Great things that need to be shared, because I became focused on the break up and the fight and all that crap. Rightfully so because its a big charge, and it matters, and I still have no freaking clue what to do. But its kind of crappy that I was not prone to write more about Mike's message.

He had this one quote I just loved. "When God says it, it is." Think of creation, think of prophecies where God tells of coming destruction in the present tense. Nothing can stand against Him.

So why am I worried about this fight? But am I really worried? I don't even think about it anymore. I don't have anything to do for it. I don't really want to be doing it. But I haven't been told any different. Whatever . . . right?

This weeks' been weird, ending great though. Absolutely amazing. I'm still feeling . . . feeling like I'm not quite where I need to be. Like something is missing, like I don't totally feel. I don't write in my prayer journal as much, I don't think as much. Its weird, I don't know what to do really.

I only have two thoughts to relate from the past week about "her" and that whole situation. So I got told to fight, I'm pretty comfortable not doubting that, and I seem to be told these other things, about how it ends . . . so what the heck is up? If this is what I'm getting, what the heck is going on with her? What is she hearing?

Also . . . I'm worried . . . I'm worrid about what happens when . . . if . . . this is wrong. About if the real future Mrs. Frank or someone who knows her is seeing all of this, reading all of this, and its just going to make a mess of things. What a joke.

Oh well, I know what I was told. Not sure what to do with it, but I know what I was told.

So I have a lot to talk about, about Friday and Sat, about more things that happened and some thoughts. Things you all definitely want to know. So how do I enticed you to come back and read more? With this:

On Friday I got a letter from Heather.