The dumbest of dumbs

I am restless again. But I don't feel like going to spend time with God. Why? Because I've already spent lots of time with Him tonight.

I am the dumbest of dumbs.

Obviously, I am about to go spend time with Him, thereby overcoming my stupidity.

This is the day

The Lord is good. The Lord God is mighty. The Lord reigns forever and ever.

I don't know the significance of the title, only where it came from. When I sat here to write that song just popped into my head. Its been a great day. Its been an amazing weekend. If God keeps giving me days like this . . . my heart might explode. I'd die happy.

I cut down a tree today. Actually it was better than that. I chopped to the brink with an axe (actually a wood splitter so it was tough going) and then wrapped a chain around it and pulled it down with my leather work glove covered hands. Heck freaking yes. And I'm doing another one tomorrow.

Then it was barbecue ribs with the fam, frisbee golf with Nick, and hanging out at Kolby's with my friends all day chillin around the pool and then playing poker. Friggin sweet.

Today Nick and I were talking on the golf course and he asked me how things were going for me . . . romantically. And I just laughed. But then he brought it back and called me out for not answering the question. So I told him about the letter. And I told him about my urge to date. And he said that if that's what I felt, I should do it. In my head everything just clicked. I told him no and I talked to him about feelings and circumstances being potentially misleading. And then I said something I really liked. I told him this was forcing me to hold true to what I believe theologically, and live it out. That I believe God speaks and we need to listen, and everything that stands against that, even things which can sometimes be God speaking, are forfeit against that message (though obviously the message can change, but that would take big signs and other confirmation since it involves a change). So here I am faced with knowing, KNOWING I was told to fight for this woman who doesn't want me to and that I don't want to. And having a desire to do otherwise and meet/date someone else. And I have this perfect opportunity to live out what I believe, in a real and hard way. I have a way to be true to the idea that if your faith doesn't change who you are and what you do, you're not doing it right. I looked at him and said, "This is a test, and I'm having fun with it. I'm enjoying it." Oh heck yes. It feels so good.

I feel like I'm in this great place right now. The pieces are shaping up, things are looking good, blessings are coming and more are looking like they could flood in at any minute. I'm really, really, really happy.

So when I got home tonight I felt pretty restless. And I figured I needed to go and spend some time with God. Maybe worship, maybe just pray and try to listen. But I didn't . . . because? I don't know. I played video games, but I did terrible, like, unrighteously bad, so I stopped. I went upstairs and turned my lights off and put on some music. I started by doing some more straight reading (I'm doing the Bible cover to cover) and then layed down to listen. And I'm pretty confident about everything I heard.

Almost immediately I heard, "You wil be" so I asked what. "My one" He said. Still not sure what that means, but its pretty exciting right. The other night at Kairos Mike talked about the the two witnessess from Revelation who will terrorize humanity in the end times, being able to call plagues and wrath and death at will to punish humanity for their rebellion . . . and I want to be one of those guys. Maybe that's what it is. I hope so, but I kind of doubt it.

But I knew it wasn't over.

Next, "I am coming" so of course I ask how soon. "Very soon, son" saweet.

What about Heather Lord. "Don't give up. You must fight."

Then I kind of drifted off to sleep. I awoke a few minutes later and knew I had more to hear. I turned over and prayed to hear Him.

"I am the Lord your God." What a great phrase. And I grabbed on to that voice, I had to listen only to it.

I asked God if I should ask anyone out or anything along those lines, "You must not do this." Poopy.

Then I was quiet, I didn't want to prompt, I just wanted to hear. I suddenly felt lighter, and then a picture of Nashville came before my eyes, as though God and I were standing together over it. "I will give you this. It will be yours." Not sure how that will play out, but whoa right?

Now I'd been expecting to be given a specific task, like calling Heather or going up to work week or summer staff or calling someone. So I asked about that. "I have given you tasks. You must see to them."

Then I asked about three specific people who came upon my heart, and heard things about them. One of them was Heather, who is the only one I don't plan on relating what God said to me, to her that is, you guys unfortunately don't get to hear any of it.

I asked God about fighting, about if I should try to contact Heather. "Write the blog."

But I knew there was something else so I waited again.

"There will come a time . . . soon. I will be there. Do not hesitate."

So crazy, but amazing. I'm unsure about most of it, but I'm excited it happened and I'm really looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Afterwards I came down to write this, and got into a great conversation with Brian. Not my biological brother, but my Christ-brother. We talked about where he was and some other things. And he thanked me for praying for him and told me I was an amazing brother. My eyes got a little tear and I just thanked him for saying so. And it brought something to mind.

On Sunday night at group Aaron had us take like 3 minutes to encourage someone. And I remember last year at LC when Kools pushed us to start encouraging people daily. And I realized Christians need to be better about that. As brothers and sisters we need to be better about reflecting God's love and His gifting to others. We need to lift them up and remind them how He sees them and how we see Him in them. We need to hear that stuff.

And I realized that when God started out tonight and just said I would be His, I was kind of dissapointed, but why should I have been? What could be more wonderful to hear than God speaking and just saying, "I love you. You are wonderful." What a gift.

Later Brian revealed he has been reading the blog, which I didn't know, and he proceeded to give me a compliment he has given me a few times before that always humbles me. "The best part about you is your honesty." Brian always tells me I'm honest. He has told me he appreciates me shooting straight. About how I am and what I think, and about what others need to hear.

When Brian and I met I'd recently started this thing where I wanted to be more honest. I never wanted to speak about something real flippantly. I never wanted to incorrectly answer the question "how are you?" out of cultural reverence or misconstrue how I felt about something by saying "love" when I meant "like". And I was starting this journey and that month at LC I really hit it hard. And I never spoke what I didn't mean, and I always shared what I did. And he saw it, and so did others. But Brian was the one who made it a point of recognizing it and encouraging me, and its always stuck with me. Every time I face a situation where my honesty could be compromised, I think of him. Every time I have to deal with how I feel, even if its just for me, I check against that knowledge of who God has made me, and I see if I'm being true to it.

And that is one of the gifts we can give with encouragement. We can give life. We can let someone see themselves from God's view. We can help someone stay the course of who they are meant to be.

The Lord is good. His love endures forever. Tomorrow will be a great day. I can just feel it. And I love that feeling.