How do I feel?

Jesus is on the throne.

I've been telling myself this all day . . . and I'm still just not feeling it. Every hour feels like a struggle. I miss my fiancee, my best friend, the woman I love. Knowing Jesus is on the throne, knowing the promises he has made; the end result of this is that I still miss her. I still want to speak to her, to hear her enchanting laugh, to smell her, to feel her silky hair against my fingers. I was planning something else for this post, but it is quickly turning into a love letter, for my absent love, who will not read it, and would not care if she did.

I kept busy today. I did everything I could think of. And here I am, the end of another day and I feel I have no purpose. It seems as though God is seriously intent on me not settling. Every effort I pursue here ends poorly. My home has been taken away, and He seemingly refuses to give me a new one. But alas, He is on the throne. If only that meant I didn't have to sigh.

All day, actually even since yesterday I was excited about tonight. I was going to find people my age and establish myself here. I was going to find community. And there was none. No group, only an out of date web page that led me astray. Too late to go anywhere else, even if there were somewhere else to go. But it just feels this place is not for me. So what?

I can't help but think with all the promises He has made that there is a reason; that this is temporary. But what is next? He knows, because He is on the throne. Whatever it is I am praying He delivers me quickly.

It seems I have misjudged what is going on here though. There is purpose for me here and now. He is shaping me and molding me, He is working in me. God is good.