Oh, what’s this? Another post? So soon?
Indeed my friends, this is me keeping a promise. Let us pause to celebrate.
To be honest I’d like to be doing something else. Perhaps, rather, should be. I should be preparing stuff for CAKE. I’d like to be playing video games. I am writing a blog post. C’est la vie. In all reality this will be a short post, but important nonetheless.
The gist of this post can be summed up rather quickly and concisely. I love Jesus. And that’s about it.
Last night I was taking some time to read my Bible and right in my prayer journal. I found myself lamenting to God about where we were. I see these needs in my life, some internal and some external. And while I long for Him to deal with them, I understand waiting and process. Nonetheless, such things are easier when the relationship itself is strong. So as I wrote to Him about a job, and turmoil over His will and calling, and friendships, and so on, I came to a point where I told Him what was bothering me most.
“Oh, Papa, how I long to be with You. How I long to again feel You near. To know the warmth of Your love and feel the confidence of Your words.”
It’d been that way for a while. Fortunately there was no lack of discipline on my part. No rebellion, or being stubborn, or other such foolishness. Just a lack of the connection that breathes life.
And then it came.
Tonight I took Luke to me with Kairos. Which, quite humorously, did not effect my superpower. Indeed it was rather confirmed when, Dawn, sat down next to me, along with her group of 7 female friends. Luke just looked at me, a little dumb founded. I just shrugged and asked Dawn what her favorite animal was (that was the “get to know you” question of the night). And then encouraged Luke to do the same with the brunette sitting in front of him. No dice.
Kairos was incredible tonight. Just blow out amazing. I was so unburdened during worship. So wildly given to the experience of offering and praise.
Unfortunately I picked up a pen that refused to write, which made it quite useless. So I ended up not being able to take notes. What I can say is that Mike started a new series tonight on being “Agents of Change” and tonight’s message was on stewardship of what God has given us. Despite his inclusion of using the parable of the talents (if you don’t know, don’t ask), I found the lesson pretty great. I could see where God had been pushing me in places where He wanted to me to work with what I had. As we did the guided prayer time at the end I couldn’t help but hear that I’d done well, and would soon be rewarded. That’d be nice.
Skip over some great impromptu guy time and I drop Luke off. I’m driving home and thinking about what’s been bugging me about tomorrow night and co-leading CAKE with Jenn. I’ve been mulling over the concern she voiced about how I can come across. I’ve been worried about seeming like a jerk instead of that all important combination of truth AND love. And then I realized how ready God had made me tonight. The essential ingredient that was missing was that overflow.
And it wasn’t that I didn’t know I needed it. Its not that I wasn’t chasing after it. It just wasn’t there. And then tonight God just swooped in a giant heaping of awesome and decided to bless me with enough love for it to be spilling out everywhere. I’m now pretty confident I can properly not shy from the truth tomorrow night without being the complete butt that is sometimes needed.
The only downside here is it makes me worry about how I’ve been lately in my relationships. It makes me go back and wonder how I’ve been acting as a willing agent of God’s love without its manifestation. I think I’m safe in saying I haven’t been unduly bad in my interactions, but I wonder at how much more could have been gained from the closeness I have now. My consolation is that there’s nothing I could have done.
So let’s go love, because the first commandment is fulfilled.
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