She smelled like beef jerky, and she had a beautiful singing voice

Alright, I'll admit it, I need to get back in the habit of writing more often. I'm so far behind its not even funny. Let's get it on.

I really should figure out a way to take advantage of this gift I have. I showed up to Kairos a little bit later than I like and chose a sit still down in front, but off to one side. So I'm sitting there by myself, being a putz and not talking to anyone. And time keeps winding down. And then this ridiculously attractive blond walks up and says, "Hey, is anybody sitting there?" pointing at the seat next to me. Well no, the whole row is available. Nearly the whole section is, so I politely reply. "Well good, then I'm gonna be your buddy for tonight." She then introduces me to her two friends, and I'm really not sure which of them was most attractive. Is it really any wonder that I haven't sought out anyone to go to Kairos with me? This happens every single week. Unfortunately there wasn't much going on there. This girl kept checking her phone every ten minutes, in her active sports top and Von Dutch hat. Clearly not my type. But its the idea of it. Its like a law of nature. If Zach Frank goes to Kairos by himself, attractive girls will sit next to him. And possibly in front of and behind as well.

While its enjoyable at a certain level, and I feel there is some potential of making money from it, it is ultimately dissatisfying. I'm still praying to end up with a tight group of guys. And I'm still just not the type to go hitting on random girls, or even only partially random ones. I suppose it could be worse though.

Perhaps the most interesting part however, is that as soon as this girl walked up I could smell this very distinctive smell. Beef Jerky. And good gosh do I like beef jerky. I was really kind of mystified as to how this was possible. I decided to text some of my funniest friends to see what responses I would get, and to let them know. So here's how it went down:

My original text: "Sitting next to a really attractive blonde who smells a little like beef jerky."

1st response: "ask her what's for dinner"

2nd: "maybe she's a sales rep for Slim Jim"

3rd: "marry her"

4th: "find a dog and see what happens"

Brilliant.

So on with the meat. Tuesday night was great. For the second week in a row the worship and the minor prayer interlude had me in light tears. Which is absolutely amazing. Reaching that kind of closeness and openness with God. Not really sad tears, just . . . tears.

Mike began a series on Isaiah and . . . . I just stopped to back over my notes because I couldn't remember the main point of the message. And while I can kind of tell you what it was, that won't tell you anything. He was talking about worship, and three of the elements of story arches with God. And its crazy, because I took pretty good notes. I listened the whole time, and I was engaged and feel like I got a lot out of it. But I can't really tell you what the unifying message was. Rest assured it was good. There are lots of little element points I got out, but in the end it just was.

::sigh:: Okay, let's talk about the obligatory Heather related crap, for which I apologize. So since I last wrote things had just pretty much continued, really missing her, blah, blah. Almost crying over dinky stupid stuff. It seemed that almost every night I was fighting back tears as I lie down to go to sleep. Fan-tastic.

So the other night it was just miserable and I remembered I had this old cheesy book called "When God Writes Your Love Story." Yes, the authors are nerds. And nerdy ones at that. Yes its cheesy both in content and tone. But for some reason I just needed to read it. So I started. The real theme of the first 3 chapters was pretty simple. Just turn it over to God. Which is . . . so simple and obvious that you'd never think to do it.

So I just did it. Which is odd because I'd really thought myself in that place before. But I think while I was ready for wherever God led it, I wanted to be doing something, or having something happening. What they authors (husband and wife team) were suggesting was a completely hands off approach. I'm still not totally convinced, but I'm doing it, and I'm experiencing some form of peace. Certainly far more than I was before. So that's good.

The only mitigating thing left is something that's happened the last two weeks at Kairos. During the guided prayer times there's been a portion where we were supposed to listen to God. The first time we were told to imagine ourselves before the throne. So I did. I pictured myself kneeling there right before God. And much to my surprise, I saw her kneeling beside me, holding my hand. I tried to dismiss it. Tried to just be alone. No dice. Tried to replace her. Didn't work. So I just forgot about it. But it happened this past Tuesday again, during the guided prayer time. Same kind of thing. I won't even repeat what I thought I heard 'cause its just ridiculous.

So I've given it all over. I'm hands off unless I'm told to do otherwise. But I've been here before and I know how it turned out, so we'll see. Conversely, since this I've found myself attracted to these two girls. Neither of which I can have anything to do with. We'll see how that works out. I just want to be an oblivious stoic. Oh well.

And right now that's where everything ends up. Just keep remembering Jesus is on the throne. Just keep putting Him back there if you ask Him to move. Its the only way to get anywhere.