Wednesday

Its Wednesday, and Jesus is on the throne.

I'm listening to my favorite band, Underoath. Right now its 'Lost in the Sound of Separation,' which is one of the two best cds that I own, the other being their cd prior to this, 'Define The Great Line." One of the reasons I like the music I do, and particularly Underoath, is that it is what my heart for God sounds like. It is loud. It is wild and unrestrained. It is more than some people can take. It is raw. The lyrics can be dark and talk about screwing up. But God is always central. Always supreme. He is always desired, and there is always redemption.

I mention this because I've noticed something very interesting lately. There is so much going on that seems tailored to where I am. A few months ago I acquired a cd by a band called Before Their Eyes. A pretty good, and certainly catchy post-hardcore Christian group. I just started listening to it recently and the oddest thing became apparent. There is an underlying narrative to the disc where the lyricists significant other has left him, and he struggles with why, and with his relationship with God, and the interaction of all these things. There is a song towards the end of the record where then end up getting back together.

'Lost in the Sound of Separation' contains less explicit but nonetheless poignant similarities. Most of Spencer Chamberlain's writing is about stumbles in his walk and hard times with God. 'LISS' is no different. The second song on the cd is explicitly about his spiritual failings and how they effect his role as a husband and leader. The next song is about the aftermath of such a thing. But again, the end of the cd is redemption and reconciliation.

Loose threads. I know.

Along the same lines I noticed something today. I was watching tv while reading (really?) and a Happy California Cows commercial came on. One of the cows was named Heather. Big deal? Well, I've encountered that name every single day since she broke up with me. I've either met someone, or heard it on tv. And its not THAT common. The girl who was giving me the eyes at Kairos, her name was Heather. A girl that started going to my Wednesday small groups on the same night as me, named Heather. First day I'm in Nashville, Old Navy commercial on tv where the mannequin proposes to a girl named Heather.

I know all of this must seem like nothing more than reflexive awareness. But . . .
It just seems that with everything God has been saying, and doing in my heart, that He wants that name to be written all over me. He seems determined to keep me from even considering turning my heart away from her. The end result of everything still seems to be that He is telling me she is my future. God sure is fascinating.

Tonight I finally spoke with the couple that did our marriage mentoring, well at least with the wife. The husband was already in bed. She and I talked for a long time, and shared a lot. And in the end I'm pretty pleased. I think it went well. I don't know if God will use it, and them somehow, but . . . no, I just don't know what I think.

The last few days have been very interesting, in part because I've gotten a ton of compliments or encouragements about my character.

This weekend a friend contacted me after a long time and one of the first things he did was apologize. Why? Well an ex-girlfriend who cheated on me with a girl and then during attempted reconciliation left me and accused me of lots of various bad things, had told him that I had cheated on her. Which I kind of knew. I knew that she was saying lots of bad things about me. But not once, not ever once did I attempt to set the record straight with anyone. Why? Because I am an honorable man, and I would rather sacrifice my honor in the name of not making things harder for her. I believed that it would be easier for her to get over her same sex attraction that way (for her own benefit, not in the interest of reconciling). I believed that it wasn't really important for people to know either way. That it was her business to tell. All I had on the line was my reputation. Okay, so I'm telling it now. Well, few people read this, and everyone who does either doesn't know her or already knows the truth. So big deal.

The point is, my friend apologized and said how incredible it was that I hadn't said anything to him. But I realized, that's just who I am.

I shared this with Heather a long time ago. That I had made this choice. She spoke of how encouraging it was to hear of how willing I was to sacrifice for someone I didn't even like, and I was careful to point out how much I loved her, and how much further I would go.

And now it has come. I can't give up because right now I am sacrificing for her. And I will not stop. I will not give up.

I love you, Heather.

I'm pretty sure I had a good day. I've been pursuing God pretty good today, trying to get close to Him, trying to get molded to be more like Him.

Oh, I had a dream last night, of Heather and I being back together, but I'm not sure if I'm still dreaming prophecy so I'm not sure it means anything.

I think Sam's coming in this weekend. I'm excited because I love that guy.

Keep Heather in your prayers. She needs it.

Remember: God is good. And if you ever forget, just remember: God is good. And if you ever think different, just remember: God is good.

God is good.