July 5, 2008

This is my prayer journal entry from one week before Heather and I met:

"I've been meaning to tell you how much, how incredibly much, I loved worship on Sunday. I was so . . . full of joy, so spirit filled, so w/ You. I love You Father. I long for You to replace me, to be my sustainment, and my essence. Perfect me Father, to be like You.

Looking back on this day God, its amazing how You move and touch and bless. Perhaps the most incredible part, and certainly the most encouraging and uplifting was that Chuck, essentially w/o speaking to us, recognized that we were w/ Christ. What great honor can be imagined? I hope I experience that feeling more.

What a great day Lord. My only question is what is next? So much still rests on me. I need a job. And along w/ it a place to live. I want to do Summer Staff. I need a new car. And daily you seem to increase my desire to find my companion. I feel as though I will meet her any minute, and you are prepping me. All this still lurks. I still have flaws and insecurities that need Your touch. I still have doubts and fears and dumb desires.

Much as I like to not I still sometimes think of [name withheld]. I still anger and wonder. Even though I know You have better in store. And You always have. And it is close.

And the now what of that part of my life, God. I recognize in me this desire, or perhaps a need to experience the greater glory in this part of my life. I so want my constant companion.

There are some possibilities that have come up, but I am having nothing to do with them. I am waiting on You God, w/ everything. But do not tary my Lord, for my needs are many, though my joy and my You are bountiful. Deliver unto me Father, Your servant waits."